I was at some darling friends's house (is that right? I just don't know :P ) earlier today, and we decided to play a game. Basically we were writing stories to try to figure out the origin of random objects. We ended up with some pretty hilarious stories.
They're pretty crazy, but I hope they can lend some enjoyment. 'Cept the origin of Angel Food Cake... that's kind of morbid. Oops. :]
Bubbles: How They Came To Be
One day, many, many years ago, during the time of the cavemen, there was a man. With a six pack. This man was a caveman himself, very primitive. He loved to kill dinosaurs and show off for the pretty caveman ladies. This man’s name was Leonardozenphelion Asteriodolon leeDavid. People called him Leo. He was quite manly.Secretly, in his free time, Leo liked to prance through the daisies in a field near his cave home. When people asked him what he did in his free time however, he simply explained that he fought off invisible goblins. They believed him.
One day he had to clean his weapon. His weapon was shaped as a circle. It was a deadly circle with a sharp edge, but still simply a circle with a hole in the middle. Kind of like a big, sharp donut with a handle. Other cavemen thought it was quite strange and unique, but Leo liked it. So he took his strange weapon, his soap, water, and a bathtub and went to the daisy field where he could enjoy the daisies while washing his weapon. The bathtub was for himself.
While washing his weapon he gazed at the flowers and scrubbed himself in the bathtub. He then pulled his weapon out of the tub to dry it, but found that it had soapy water stuck in the middle. He stuck his finger through the middle and the soapy water popped, spraying Leo with suds. He giggled. He dipped his weapon in the water again, but this time, while pulling it out of the tub, he sneezed (being allergic to daisies), causing the soapy water to expand and form a glowing orb. It floated away in the wind and randomly popped after floating for some time.
“I think I shall call these interesting spheres ‘bubbles’. I always liked the word bubbles.” Leo decided. Then he ran off excitedly to show the other cavemen his invention. The men thought he was dumb and laughed at him for washing his manly weapon in a flower field. The women thought it was romantic and loved his new invention, gushing over the tiny soap orbs. It has stayed that way ever since.
Once upon a time, on a planet called Amorgae, far, far away, there lived a robot. He was called Stenley-shubon-weirdo. He was shunned by his family, his own brother called him a user! But he didn’t understand what that was.
One day, little Stenley-shubon-weirdo was wondering around the blue-green wastelands. He was pondering what it would be like to step in water. Of course, every robot knew of the Robo-Code. Rule number 356 stated that “a robot must never touch water for fear of being electrocuted.” Therefore, he dismissed the thought and continued walking.
All of a sudden, Stenley (for short) stopped walking. His robot senses warned him of danger up ahead. The ferns danced before his eyes and barked like a dog. What? A dog? A metal creature appeared before his eyes. He had ears and a tail like a dog, but he was long-ish and round with a flat bottom. Stenley adored him from the first moment.
“Oh, you are so cute. What should I call you?” Stenley spoke aloud.
He decided to name him Kevin-easy-mon-ticked-von-seased-even-toasty, called Kevin. They wandered for day together, enjoying every moment, growing closer.
One day, Kevin wondered off. Stenley was mortified.
“KEVIN! Kevin, where are you?!” he yelled.
Day and night, day and night for two weeks he called for Kevin to return. Then, he fell asleep. He slept for one whole day. As soon as he woke up, he leapt to his feet.
“Kevin!” he yelled.
“Woof,” he heard.
His heart stopped. Wait, do robots have hearts? I digress.
He looked down. There was Kevin, safe and sound. But something was different. Stenley found two long holes in his back containing a fluffy thing in each.
“What in the world?” Stenley asked.
“T-oa-st.” Kevin tried.
“What?” Stenley got down on his hands and knees in front of Kevin.
“T-toas-t.” he got out.
“I see.” Stenley thought aloud.
Kevin spun around and jumped and skipped, singing, “Toast, toast, toast, toast!”
Stenley pulled out the fluffy things from Kevin’s back.
“Toast!” Kevin said.
“If this is toast, are you, the toast-er?” Stenley asked.
Kevin nodded, “Toaster!”
The Origin of Angel Food Cake
by yours truly
Once upon a time, there was a hippopotamus who lived in a cave. His greatest aspiration was to teach homeless panthers how to read.
Cake the hippo (for that was his name) had a large family who loved him very much. He was such a good hippo that his friends teased him about being perfect.
"I'm not," he insisted.
But they didn't believe him.
Which would thus mean he was lying, and then he couldn't be perfect, but, of course, they're hippos, so you have to give them a break.
He was so famous for being divinely good that word of his goodness went across the globe. Everyone knew how good Cake was.
Soon he moved to live amongst the homeless panthers. As well as not being literate, they also did not speak very good English.
They welcomed Cake... but they were panthers. And panthers are rather fond of meat.
So they decided they would eat him at a panther festival. So they caught him, and baked him, and at the feast the panther king announced, "Angel Food Cake!"
Even after Cake was eaten, the panthers remembered him. His legacy lived on. Once, someone who was wandering through the homeless panther camp overheard them talking. "Good Angel Food Cake," they said back and forth and nodded.
"Angelfood cake?" that someone wondered. "It must be some really good cake." He went home, and created a recipe for a cake. Taking a bite, he wondered at the divine flavor, and named it after the cake that he heard the panthers talking about... Angel food cake.
by yours truly
Once there was a land where people wore skinny jeans. One day, a little boy named Cleopatra (nicknamed Clee) was walking with his jet skis up a mountain. All of a sudden, he looked up and spotted a cloud shaped like an eagle with a horse on its back.
“Huh,” he said, sitting down, “that looks like an eagle with a horse on its back.”
“No,” a voice replied, “it looks like a ship.”
Cleopatra turned around and there stood a little girl. But instead of skinny jeans, she wore something like a curtain tied around her waist.
“Can’t you see its mast?” she asked, looking up at the sky.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m Psychiatrist,” she said, looking back down at him, “who are you?”
“Cleopatra,” he said, “what are you wearing?”
She twirled, “It’s a skirt.”
“No, it’s not.”
“You’re right,” she grinned, “It’s hot.”
He wrinkled his nose. “Whatever.”
“What are you doing over here?” she asked.
“I was going skiing.”
“On the mountain?”
“No,” he said incredulously, “I was walking to the valley on the other side.”
“Good,” she said, “because if you were skiing on a mountain, that would be weird.”
He wrinkled his nose, “Duh.”
They sat in silence.
In this silence, a penguin spaceship carting 17 thousand cartons of freeze-dried jellyfish flew overhead and dripped an atom bomb on them. But instead of destroying everything, it was a love atom bomb.
So the hot Psychiatrist and Cleopatra fell in love. Cleopatra confessed to his new love that he wanted to start a clothing business. She replied that she always had as well, and together, they would dominate the clothing industry.
After several years (and several failed attempts at glorious new clothing trends such as a parachute hat, bumbershoot shoes and a breathing sweatshirt), Clee came up with a great idea.
“Darling!” he cried leaping up. He rushed to where she was repairing the dinner bell.
“What?” she cried as well, almost dropping the bell.
“I have a grand idea! Do you remember when I first met you? You were wearing a skirt, and I had on my skinny jeans?”
“Yes?” she asked, excited as well.
“What if we mixed them? We could have jeans, with a long flowing leg.”
She clapped her hands in delight. “And we could call them…” She looked around, and her gaze fell on the dinner bell. “BELLBOTTOMS!”
And they were rich and ushered in the 70s.