Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Wondering


I sit in the luscious room, the heavy curtains drawn back to let the summer sun shine in across the stone floor.  The bed is soft, the blankets thick and detailed.  My clothing is pressed, washed, and smells of lavender.  Once, I would be completely lost in a room like this, but now it is natural to me.
I stand, stop by the large glass panes separating me from the outside world.  I softly unlatch the window and open it slightly, looking out and down at the bustle of people.  They clatter and clamour below me but I’m not listening to them.  Once, I would be completely overwhelmed, but now they are natural to me.
I look across the feet of air between me and the cobbles beneath me.  I wonder what would happen if I were to hurl myself from my window right now.  I wonder if they would come running from the castle opposite.  I wonder if they would know who I was.  This, however—this is most natural to me.  The wondering.  The questions.
I wonder if she would cry.
And though I ask myself this, inside, I think I know the answer.  But I can’t accept it and so I wonder.  I toy with the possibilities.  I know, deep inside, what would happen.  I know.
But if I have any ability to change it, I will.
I straighten my tunic, run a hand through my hair.  I’ll go to the castle, try to see her, but before I go I close the window.  I turn away.  I wouldn’t ever jump.
But that doesn’t keep me from wondering if they would miss me.
Or if they would even remember my name.
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That's Hero's most distinctive trait:  wondering, at everything, all of the time.
And I can't help but think most of the time he just knows that things don't turn out right, and maybe that's the reason that he's always playing out scenarios in his head.  And maybe he always knew that things wouldn't turn out, but no matter what he tries to do to change that, nothing he does really changes anything for the better.
And maybe he knew that everything would fall in the end anyway.

Hmmm.

This post is actually rather funny because I don't really know how many of you know anything about this story at all, but I'm in a musing mood about it lately and I've got to process it somehow, yes?

Christina Kuri

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